After Divorce Life: The Reality Check You Need
If you think that after the divorce is final, everything will get easier—here’s a reality check: it won’t! Now, I’m not saying this is true for everyone, but I wish someone had told me how hard after divorce life really is.
Even though divorce is often the best option, it comes with consequences—many of which are far from enjoyable. While these challenges are sometimes unavoidable, knowing about them beforehand can help. Here are some things I have learned along the way.
You Will Miss Out Sometimes
When you divorce, you almost always split time with your kids between you and your ex. That means you’ll have time to yourself—to regroup and rediscover who you are. But it also means missing out on moments with your kids.
Every other spring break, Christmas vacation, Wednesday after school, and two weekends a month—that’s how most shared custody agreements work. That means you might miss their first loose tooth, teaching them to ride a bike without training wheels, or even their first date. And if you remarry and have more children, your kids may get less time to bond with their new siblings.
Family Traditions Will Never Be the Same
All those Saturday morning bike rides for donuts, 4th of July weekends at the lake, and cutting down your own Christmas tree—these traditions may feel strange without your ex. They could bring up old memories that are painful after divorce.
Creating new traditions with your kids will be important to help them transition from life with married parents to life with divorced parents.
Less Control Over Parenting Decisions
When you’re married, you usually parent as a team, compromising when needed. But in after divorce life, you don’t have control over how your kids are raised when they are with your ex.
If your house rules include finishing homework before playtime or no dessert unless dinner is eaten, your ex might have completely different rules. This can be frustrating, but learning to accept and adapt is essential.
Your Kids Will Want Both Parents at Certain Moments
At the biggest and hardest moments of your kids’ lives, they will want both parents there. Sometimes, that will be possible—like a dance competition, the first day of kindergarten, or high school graduation. Other times, you won’t be able to make it happen—like a trip to the ER for stitches, their first vacation surfing, or their first heartbreak.
After Divorce Life: A New Beginning
So, there you have it—the raw side of divorce. The experiences shaped me and led me to create something that might help others going through similar struggles.
Because after all, divorce is not the end—it’s just the beginning.