Divorce is not only a trauma to parents and children, but also divorce professionals. Perhaps you’re already aware of child-centered divorce and its positive effects, and perhaps you are recommending or aiding in the implementation of a child-centered divorce, but here’s a short article every divorce professional may find helpful and enjoyable.
The method parents use to divorce has the power to heal the trauma, ignore it, or perpetuate it for generations. Many parents get trapped in the notion that their partner is the one in the wrong and responsible for all the misery. Sometimes it’s difficult as a divorce professional to show one’s client that it is a two-way street, and there are no winners in a divorce. A useful technique is to make it about the child, and show that because they are often the ones most harmed by divorce, it would be good for the parent (your client) to make this the best possible divorce for their child.
Child-centered divorce helps parents make all decisions through the lens of stabilizing their children. Parents are encouraged to address and heal their own trauma, so they can focus as a team on the needs of their children.
A child-centered divorce will often be quicker and less expensive than going to court, so healing begins faster; and, it’s much less traumatic for children. At the time of divorce, parents are less stressed, and more intentional. This helps with what happens after divorce – the child’s lifetime of interactions with their parent will be healthier.
Child-centered divorce makes it better for both parents to be a part of their child’s life – it’s a framework meant to help divorcing parents mitigate the damages of divorce on their children.
The benefits for you as a professional:
- A more collaborative client
- Potential for no court involvement
- The process is more positive and efficient
- Help more clients
Child-centered divorce is an approach not only for the parents to curb the negative effects of divorce but also for you to make divorce, and your work, less messy.
Children don’t handle conflict well, especially when it concerns their parents. They become stressed and often feel helpless in the situation. The amazing thing is that they want to help. The sad thing is that they really cannot. However, this is where a professional can step in. Perhaps a therapist is needed, or a child-centered financial planner, it remains the duty of the professional to make this as least-problematic as possible. While child-centered divorce is technically for the child’s sake, most parents live for the sake of their children. Not only will gratitude, loyalty, and (hopefully) timely payment come to you if you promote a child-centered divorce, you will manifest joy and harmony in the world. And that will benefit you too.
The parent has the coping mechanisms and ability to become comfortable in managing their divorce so as to avoid conflict-triggers and even transition to a healthy, co-parenting relationship. They can do this, and there are easy ways you can help them find their way. Parenting coaches have done wonders for many families. There is mediation, and of course, there is nothing that communicating and thinking about a problem won’t solve. Other resources such as Gabrielle Hartley’s book – “Better Apart” – or the “Our Happy Divorce” podcast can spark other ideas. Visit our site for much more helpful content this month on this topic.