The Irony of Divorce with Children

Divorce doesn’t make it easier.

One of the first questions I’m asked when someone finds out that I am a single mother is “why did you divorce?” This question is common to anyone who has a child and is no longer with the other parent. However, I was curious to find out the top reasons for the breakup, whether it be a separation or divorce. It’s not surprising that there are not great statistics regarding this area, especially with the introduction of the “no fault” divorce by the State of California in the mid-1970s. Since I could not find any consistent statistical analysis on the reason for parents splitting up, no matter which data I looked at I found almost the exact same top reasons.

Reason #1: Communication issues

Reason #2: Financial issues

Reason #3: Reason #1 + Reason #2 lead to infidelity and therefore, infidelity was listed as the reason for the breakup

Ok, this isn’t earth shattering news and I am sure you  have seen this information in some form or another over the years.

The irony

The irony comes when you realize there are two people who mutually agree they should no longer be together, yet when they have children, they have to communicate about money. And it doesn’t get easier, it gets harder, much harder.

Now you have two people (or two families), with two bank accounts with two different financial goals they are trying to reach. And if one person has a different way of managing money than the other (say one is a spender and the other a saver) after the divorce those differences become even greater.

It’s kind of ironic when you think the worst part of the divorce is the breakup and getting the divorce, but after most people get over the “divorce high” reality sets in and you quickly realize you are going to have to communicate regarding money with this person, for the rest of your life (or at least until your children are self sufficient) .

No one ever told me about this. I thought the hard part was over. Boy was I wrong! Bottom line, just because you breakup or divorce doesn’t mean your communication and financial issues go away. In fact, be prepared for them to get worse. Like it or not, if you have a child with someone, you are tied to them for the rest of your life. You might as well try to find ways to make the relationship better between the two of you, not only for your sanity but for the sake of your children.

And this is the reason I developed SupportPay. My hope is that it makes life easier – now SupportPay can do the communication about the money so I don’t have to.

What do you think? Do you still deal with communication and financial issues with your child’s other parent?

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