Holiday’s Together, Differently: Interfaith and Non-Religious Families
Holidays have a way of bringing people together, but for interfaith or non-religious families, they can be a time of navigating differences. Blending traditions or creating new ones can be wonderful, but it’s not without its challenges. How do you make sure everyone feels included? What happens when sacred rituals and secular celebrations collide?
It’s genuinely about the beauty, struggles and opportunities of celebrating together differently.
Holidays: Beyond the Rituals
At the end of the day, holidays are about connection. Whether you’re lighting a menorah, decorating a Christmas tree or gathering for a non-religious meal, the aim is to come together and make memories. But for interfaith families, there’s often a quiet tension:
- Do we celebrate everything or just one tradition?
- How do we explain our choices to our children or extended family?
- What if our traditions conflict with each other?
These are good questions and fair questions. However, the underlying goal remains the same: love, understanding, and unity.
Mixing it Up
“Growing up, we had both a menorah and a Christmas tree,” says Jessica Klein, an interfaith parent from New York. “My mom’s Jewish, my dad’s Christian and they never wanted us to feel like we had to choose. Some years, we’d have matzo ball soup alongside Christmas ham. It felt like a celebration of everything we were.”
Blending traditions can be creative and connection-filled. Here’s how families are mixing faiths and values during the holidays:
- Hanukkah Bushes and Dreidel Ornaments: Some families like to combine decor—putting dreidel ornaments on the Christmas tree or decorating with blue and white lights to honor both traditions.
- Universal Themes: Choosing themes like “light,” “family,” or “gratitude” can help move the focus away from the differences.
- Shared Rituals: Creating rituals that honor multiple backgrounds. For example, lighting candles for Diwali alongside Thanksgiving dinner or celebrating Winter Solstice as a way to bring nature into the season.
Non-Religious
For non-religious families, holidays are a time to focus on universal values, not religious doctrine. Amanda Torres, a single mom and self-proclaimed atheist, shares how her family approaches the season:
“We focus on the spirit of giving and kindness. My kids and I volunteer at a shelter every Christmas morning, and instead of a big meal, we do a picnic in the park. For us, it’s not about religion—it’s about love.”
Non-religious families create new traditions that feel true to their values. Ideas:
- A “gratitude jar” where family members write what they’re thankful for throughout the season.
- A holiday movie marathon or game night.
- Making charitable giving the focus of celebrations, such as adopting a family in need or hosting a donation drive.
Working with Differences
Let’s be real—differences can be tricky, especially when extended family is involved. Uncle Joe may not understand why you didn’t go to church, or Grandma may not understand why your kids are learning about Kwanzaa.
Here are some ways to handle these situations:
- Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say no to invitations that don’t work for your family.
- Communicate Early: Talk to family members ahead of time to set expectations.
- Stay Curious: Approach differences with an open mind. Instead of dismissing someone’s tradition, ask questions and find ways to incorporate it into your own celebrations.
Teaching Children to Honor Differences
For families with kids, the holidays are a great opportunity to teach tolerance. Here’s how:
- Storytelling: Read books like The Shortest Day by Susan Cooper or Latke, the Lucky Dog to introduce kids to different cultural celebrations.
- Inclusive Crafts: Making paper lanterns for the Lunar New Year or salt-dough ornaments can be fun and educational.
- Honest Conversations: Explain why your family celebrates differently and why it’s essential to learn from others.
New Traditions
New traditions don’t have to be big—they just have to feel true. For example:
- Rotation: Celebrate one partner’s tradition one year and the other’s the next.
- Holiday Mash-Ups: Merge two celebrations into one. Think “Chrismukkah” or a joint New Year’s brunch that acknowledges multiple cultural calendars.
- Personalized Rituals: Create something entirely new, like a “wish lantern” ceremony or a “memory tree” where loved ones add photos or notes.
The Hard Parts
Blending or diverging traditions can be challenging. It’s okay to mourn the loss of certain rituals or feel annoyed when compromise seems impossible. What matters is to keep things in perspective:
- Relationships Matter: Remember, the people you love are more important than the practices you follow.
- Take a Moment: Journaling or meditating on what the holidays mean to you can help you figure out what to keep.
The Gift of Unity
In the end, the holidays aren’t about perfect celebrations. They’re about being together. However, that looks good for your family.
As one anonymous family said:
“Our interfaith family doesn’t have one tradition—we have many. And while it might not look like anyone else’s holiday, it’s ours. That’s what makes it special.”